Just Write

"If, anywhere in your soul, you feel the desire to write, please write.  Write as a gift to yourself and others.  Everyone has a story to tell.  Writing is not about creating tidy paragraphs that sound lovely or choosing the "right" words.  It's just about noticing who you are and noticing life and sharing what you notice.  When you write your truth, it is a love offering to the world because it helps us feel braver and less alone...  If you feel something calling you to dance or write or paint or sing, please refuse to worry about whether you're good enough.  Just do it.  Be generous.  Offer a gift to the world that no one else can offer: yourself."

Glennon Doyle Melton, Carry On Warrior - Thoughts on Life Unarmed 

"If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?"

Wow.  I can't believe it has been nearly two years since I have posted here... Of course, it was only two weeks before that last post that I even started this blog so I should probably use the term "blog" lightly.  But whatever.  Here I am because I felt like writing today.  

The truth is that I feel like writing everyday.  I'm just actually doing it today.  There have been so many blogs written in my mind since my last post but none of them have ever made it to my fingers - which operates the keyboard - which makes the actual blog post happen.

I'm like a Ninja Blogger.  That sounds way cooler than an Inconsistent Blogger, right?

But I digress.

So today was Mother's Day and I forced myself to take some time to relax in the hammock while Mike and Susan were slaving over the dishes from the breakfast they made me earlier in the morning.  Well, I doubt Susan was slaving over anything, but whatever.  The bottom line is that I got some wonderful "me" time to just enjoy the beautiful day, the breeze, the sun, the trees, and the neighbor's yapping dogs.  It was wonderful.  Except the yapping dogs.  Those dogs really test my ability to "love thy neighbor"* sometimes.

I read the above quote in Glennon's book several weeks ago while I was in an infusion chair receiving my final dose of Tysabri, a medication I have been on for about 18-months (and for those of you who don't know, I'll save you a Google search:  I got Tysabri infusions because I have MS).  I have read a lot of books and a lot of quotes and a lot of quotes in a lot of books, but this one nailed me.  It totally messed me up to the point where a nurse came over to check on me because she saw the tears streaming down my face.  As much as I wanted to have a good sob (as in a snot flowing, shoulders shaking, can't-get-the-words-out sob) right then and there, I was able to control myself for like a whole hour.  But then "it" happened and at lunch I excused myself to go to the restroom and I just sat on the toilet and cried.  And prayed. And cried some more.  It was ugly.  And it all went down right there in that stall at The Fish Market. The people at the table next to us probably thought I was having "stomach issues" or something because poor Mike was left alone at our table for so long.  Now he knows how I feel during his "awkwardly long" visits to the restroom when we're dining together. I'm so glad I have my smartphone during those times.  That's all I have to say about that.

Back to the issue at hand.  You're probably wondering "why in the world would that quote make you want to sob?".  Or maybe you aren't wondering that... But imma tell you anyway.

Earlier in that day I met with my Neurologist and although I am doing well physically, the effects of MS have taken a toll on me emotionally and cognitively.  While I know, without a doubt, that the disease is responsible for most of these struggles, I also acknowledge that there are pieces of ME that have been missing - or at least neglected - in my life for some time now.  I have not been whole and I think know that writing is one of those missing pieces.  And as soon as I read that quote it was like God was reminding me of this.  Seriously, it was like he was telling me (I'm pretty sure it was in the voice of Morgan Freeman in my mind) "Child... You need to write. This Ninja Blogger stuff is not enough."  And he's right.  It's not enough.      

Anyway, that was like a month ago.  

But I'm here now because I felt like writing and while I was in that hammock I promised myself  I would actually do it today.  Here's hoping it's not another 2-years before I do this again.

Are there activities/hobbies in your life that you know are missing?  Things that help to make you whole?  If you feel inclined, please do share them with me in a message or in the comments.  Sometimes acknowledging these things to others gives us the boost we need to get going.

*Those are red words.  See what I did there?