God Winks

Sometimes God winks at me. I can remember my friend Amy Fisher mentioning a "God wink" a while back and I thought it was a sweet way to look at the 'little things' that happen around/to me that seem coincidental but really aren't coincidental at all. There's even a book (actually several) about God Winks. How did I know about the book? Because less than a week after Amy introduced me to the concept, I happened to be at Books-a-Million and the book just happened to be displayed on a shelf near where I just happened to be browsing.  Hmmmm...

So here goes my attempt to blog about something really cool that happened to me this morning - something definitely worth sharing. I only hope this post can do the experience justice.

One night last November (the 14th, to be exact), I awoke out of a deep sleep and immediately felt like something was wrong. I lay in bed for a few minutes and distinctly remember thinking "you needed to check Facebook." I love me some Facebook, but I do not make a habit of checking it in the middle of the night.  Ever. But this night was different. I checked Facebook and read a message from my cousin in Nevada asking me to call her as soon as I read the message.  I immediately knew.  Grandma. 

Gram was very sick and her life here on earth was ending. Less than two days later she was gone. I knew in my heart of hearts that call would come someday, but I was not ready.  My heart was broken.

Allow me to rewind a bit more...

I last saw Gram when Susan was 11-months old. Along with my parents, we made the trek to Hawthorne, Nevada, to visit her. It was a wonderful trip and of course there were photos taken on that trip. Lots of photos...  Beloved photos I would eventually... misplace. For months now I have been looking for the digital files of these photos. I have no idea where I saved them, didn't have them burned on a CD,  a USB drive or saved on my external hard drive. Not a good feeling at all. I have found myself looking for these photos many, many times since Gram died, but all of my searches came up empty.

So... Let's fast forward to 4:21 AM this morning... (dramatic pause implied)

I once again found myself wide awake when I should have been getting that last good hour of REM sleep in. I should have been dreaming about flying over or through buildings (my absolute favorite recurring dream - I literally wake up smiling). But I was wide awake.  

As I lay there, I thought about Gram (as I do often). I thought about how much I miss her and would love to be able to talk to her. I thought about how I wish I had made another trip to Nevada before she died. And then I randomly thought about the "you need to go check your Facebook night" in November. Isn't it funny how one thought just seems to lead to another?  

I felt a bit unsettled this morning, but not really in a bad way. I just couldn't sleep so I lay there trying to think of something to do. Then, it came to me... "you should get up and download/edit/save all of the photos that are currently on the (full) memory card in your camera."  

So I did.

I normally download photos directly from my camera to the computer, but this morning I decided to use my card reader in order to save my camera's battery power. I connected the card reader and Google Picasa went to work searching for the photos on my memory card...  

Be still my heart. Right there, on my screen, at 4-something in the morning, were the photos of our trip to Nevada*. Beautiful pictures of a beloved grandmother meeting her great-granddaughter for the first time...  For the last time. I just sat there, staring/smiling/crying. Memories of my Gram flooded my mind and I felt this wonderful sense of peace.  

God definitely winked at me this morning. 

*Apparently these photos had been on that memory card all along, but the files didn't show up on my current camera because I used an older camera to take them.  Since I never use my card reader, I didn't even realize this until this morning.  That's ok, though.  The timing was perfect. God wink.